8 Challenges of High Achievers
High Achievers & High Performing Professionals often find themselves on the hamster wheel. Do you know why?
As I high achiever myself, I can often relate to the unsaid woes of other high achievers. I am naturally such a driven person that it’s often hard for me to slow down. The journey is always an uphill that I just forget to turn around & see how far I have come. Instead, I seek out more successful leaders. I relentlessly compare myself to others & feel less myself. I lose myself in the process of trying to copy the successes of others.
As a high achiever, I obviously crave success. But I barely allow myself a moment to celebrate what comes my way before I start judging myself or thinking about the next big thing. I am always looking to close a hypothetical ‘Future Gap.’
Like me, you might find yourself in one or more of the following challenges:
Challenge #8: We enjoy being in the Gray Zone all the time
The term ‘Gray Zone’ in sports refers to the term that prevents athletes from reaching their optimal potential. It’s a zone created between training & recovery periods that makes it too fast for recovery & too slow for growth. It’s like a runner who just ran a 21K & decides that they want to train for their next one within the next couple of days. It’s like a fitness enthusiast who works out 4–6 days a week believing that’s what is going to get them all the success in their health & fitness.
This is what we, as high achievers, end up doing. We make this mistake of equating being busy with being effective. While this approach may get you a tiny bit faster, but more often than not, you are likely to burn out, resulting in a decline in performance, run after run.
What we really need to do is to vary our pace & intervals in order to find our optimal growth path. Amid all this hard work, multitasking, & big visions, we need to know that we should take care of ourselves too.
This week take a moment to notice your Gray Zone & how often you find yourself in it. Then just breathe in deeply filling up your belly, chest, & all the way up to the backs of your shoulder, and let go…
Challenge #7: Not Knowing the Real Reason Behind Your Drive
As high achievers, we are all results-oriented people. We are driven to our cores. We continuously push through tasks, meet deadlines, take on more and more responsibilities, work harder, and even bounce back from adversities faster than others. We always have our foot on the accelerator pedal without even caring to take a pit stop for refueling.
But why do we do what we do? The society and culture we grow up in establish certain rules and yardsticks that we often accept without questioning them. Some of these rules are consciously accepted while others subconsciously take seed within us. Growing up as a kid, I knew of only 4 professions that I could choose from that society really looked up to. They included Engineering, Doctor, Teacher, and Banker. 99% of the people I knew were in one of these professions, and they were all high achievers and successful. And I became an engineer. My wife believes that hard and slog work is the only way how entrepreneurs get their success. Why does she have this belief? Because she has seen her father do that all his life.
While some people are just natural go-getters, for others, their drive sometimes stems from a past hurt or pain, or even trying to fulfill someone’s dreams. For example, a child who was told by her teachers that she’ll “never do anything good in life,” may make her sole life purpose to prove them wrong. Or, someone who has been through a relationship trauma may “divert” his mind into working day and night, and make that notion of “success” his best form of revenge. Or maybe, you are just trying to live out your father’s dream.
High achievement without knowing the real reason often makes us prone to depression, marital or parenting issues, and other health-related challenges. We may be successful in our outside world, but inside, we are broke and lonely.
So, what is your real reason behind your drive? And why does it matter to you? What are you willing to sacrifice to get there? What are you not willing to sacrifice to get there?
Answering these questions will free you from the masks that you’ve been wearing and the shackles that have prevented you from being really effective.
Challenge #6: Fear of Success & Fear of Failure
We all have our fears when it comes to growth. For some, this fear shows up as a sense of inadequacy. For some, this fear shows up as a struggle to tap into their full potential. For some, this shows up as a fear of financial insecurity. For some, it simply surfaces as an ongoing pressure to keep up with the pace of their professions. For some, the fear shows up as a future of uncertainty. For some, it’s a world of challenges and problems. While for others, this fear shows up as a perpetual feeling of not being there.
But when it comes to high achievers, this fear can be broadly classified into 2 distinct groups, viz., the fear of success and the fear of failure.
FEAR OF SUCCESS
Which of the following statements do you resonate with?
… It’s very lonely at the top.
… I will have to keep maintaining the success that I create.
… I will be uncovered as a fraud.
… People will become jealous of me and my success.
… I will become egocentric.
… People will abandon me.
… Success will change me and I will lose the love of my family and old friends.
The bottom line is that as a high achiever, people are astounded by what you create. The more success you have and the more money you make, the greater the pressure to keep up with that level of success. And that creates this fear of success.
FEAR OF FAILURE
… If I fail, I will not be lovable.
… My family and friends will lose respect for me if I fail.
… If I fail, I will be rejected.
… If I fail, I will be exposed and vulnerable.
… I will prove to the world that I am not special after all.
… I will have nothing left if I fail.
… I won’t have the energy or self-confidence to pick up and start something new again if I fail.
Now, do you relate to any of these as well? The more we gain — respect, success, popularity, following — the more we have to lose. Losing hard-earned things can be paralyzing. At least that’s what we think inside our minds. The fear of losing everything can cause most high achievers to become paralyzed by fear. We are constantly running the script of “one wrong decision, and we are ruined” in our heads.
THE CONSEQUENCES
A client of mine, a driven senior professional, has a fear that his monomaniac focus could result in missing out on more easily accessible and rewarding opportunities. And, if he fails, the consequences would be too dreadful for him to pick up all pieces together and restart. Another client repackaged his fear of failure as his non-negotiables.
As high achievers, we rarely cut ourselves the slack and we often struggle to allow ourselves some break. The higher we rise, the faster our fears of success and failures multiply. And, often we miss out on the “truth.” It becomes harder for us to open up with the people around us. It becomes harder for the people around us to speak their truth. As high achievers, we rarely have people around us who can challenge us and our fears.
Secondly, as high achievers, we believe that we are our results. This creates a constant need to prove ourselves, which only further amplifies our fears of success and failure. A part of us fears too much spotlight, while a part of us fears losing it all and having everyone point fingers at us telling us we’re not good enough.
For a very long time, I associated myself, as a coach, with my results. For every client I coached, I secretly prayed to God to create results for my clients. I feared that I will be exposed or, at worse, be rejected and ridiculed. And so I always pushed for over-delivery. My 60-minute sessions overflowed into 90 or even 120-minute wavering conversations. My clients would often walk away with a feeling of what just happened instead of an “aa-ha” moment. I would be overwhelmed and burnt out. And none of this would bolster my self-esteem.
WHAT CAN WE DO INSTEAD?
Fear is a natural consequence of our humanness. We cannot not have fear. As high achievers, we need to realize that our net-worth isn’t tied to our self-worth and esteem. It’s vital for high achievers to work on a sense of self-worth that’s derived from within, rather than seeking external validation on projects, milestones, and achievements.
Most high achievers are busy. Our ego loves busy work. And so we rarely find ourselves trying to verbalize our subconscious fears of success and failures.
Take a moment to ask yourself,
What do I fear the most about being successful?
What do I fear the most about failing?
And, then ask yourself,
What’s the worst that can happen if this fear comes true?
Once you answer these questions, you will realize how much you are really holding back from what is possible.
Challenge #5: “I feel like an Imposter…”
The voices in our heads can be loud. Very loud. As high achievers, the persistent feelings of not being good enough can be quite problematic — “Will I be found out?” “Am I really good enough?” “What if I ruin it?” “Who am I to do this?” “What if I am not up for this?” The constant denial of our accomplishments leaves us feeling like a fraud, most of the time, if not at all times. You can feel like you are hiding a “dirty little secret.”
As high achievers, the bar for entry can often be really low. Anybody can pull off as a one-time high achiever by compulsive and excessive work habits. But the bar for success is very high. And, as exceptional high achievers, we should use this to our advantage. Be a committed high achiever willing to clear that bar.
These days I am reading ‘The teaching of the Bhagavad Gita’ by Swami Dayananda. The book starts with the fundamental human problem — the problem of inadequacy and want. For high achievers, this problem serves as a double-edged sword. We want to achieve more — more success, more relevance, more value, more service, more money, but at the same time we don’t want to acknowledge our underlying feelings of inadequacy.
I am a coach and I have a coach. In my personal coaching sessions, I am constantly grappled with these feelings of inadequacy and incompetency. I completely disregard my expertise and achievements, attributing them to luck or temporary effort. But I am unable to dig deeper into them.
Imposter Syndrome can keep us stuck. But, only if we choose to. The book further highlights that it is a great blessing to be born as a human being with unique faculties of discrimination and choice. How can we use this blessing?
Rich Litvin, a leadership coach, and author, runs a community of leaders and coaches called 4PC. The way he chooses to define Imposter Syndrome is that it is a feature, not a bug. In his community, Imposter Syndrome is a goal, and if you don’t have Imposter Syndrome, you’re not playing big enough! He often refers to the Imposter Paradox, which means that your mission, as a high achiever, is to keep seeking out experiences and communities where you continue to feel like an imposter.
The Imposter Syndrome is really (or cosmically) designed to help us deliver our best and not having to hide from it. Build it into your daily actions and experiences, and make that choice to be messy, risk not having all the answers yet, and playing it out full.
… How does The Imposter Syndrome show up in your life today?
… What do you choose to do about it now?
Challenge #4: One Thing becomes Everything
As high achievers, we are extremely focused and we thrive on winning and success. When I was preparing for my Master’s program admission, it was the only thing I did, all day and night, for 5 months. When I was working on creating a bank loan software, I was totally immersed in it for a year. When I work on a project, it is the only thing that matters to me. Everything is great when things are going great. The progress of our plans, the sight of our goals, and the immediate payoff give us that adrenalin rush. We talk ourselves into compromising all other things around us, including our relationships, health, recreation, and social circles.
In his book, ‘How Will You Measure Your Life,’ author Clayton Christensen explains that this quest for finding happiness and meaning in life is not new to human beings. And, as high achievers, it is easy for us to focus on trying to over-satisfy the tangible trappings of professional success, thinking that it will make us happy. As high achievers, it is hard to separate ourselves from our achievements and goals. The upward spiral of success that we experience makes us derive our self-worth from external projects and achievements — the better salaries, the nicer offices, the grandeur titles, etc…
As Clayton adds, “They are, after all, what our friends and family see as signs that we have ‘made it’ professionally.” High achievers take this to heart. This ‘elusive’ professional success becomes the one thing that becomes our everything. As high achievers, we are wired with a high need for achievement.
Don’t get me wrong here. Success is great after all, but significance is even better. Success without significance is a hopeless quest. So start asking yourself a different set of questions:
… What do I really stand for? What are my core values and principles?
… What are my non-negotiables — the things and experiences — that I will never compromise in my life at all
costs?
… What will happen if I go after this <project/outcome/responsibility/assignment/role/hustle>?
… What will happen if I don’t go after this <project/outcome/responsibility/assignment/role/hustle>?
… What will not happen if I don’t go after this <project/outcome/responsibility/assignment/role/hustle>?
… What will not happen (or stop happening) if I go after this
<project/outcome/responsibility/assignment/role/hustle>?
The core values and principles you have, and the non-negotiables you create for yourself in the areas of your relationships, health, recreation, and social circles are going to be the most important sources of happiness in your life. These areas may not make the most noise in your life at the moment, and so it may be tempting to put your investments (of time, energy, and focus) in these areas on the back burner. But remember that these areas need consistent attention and care. The clock is ticking from the start.
Challenge #3: Seeking Perfectionism
Do you know the one thing that separates high achievers from the rest? We do a great job at what we do and don’t settle for ‘good enough.’ How often have you heard a high achiever say, “I’ve done a good enough job,” and moved on? Chances are none.
The challenge that we unknowingly face is when we cross the thin line of doing our best and greatest, vs seeking perfectionism. The more success we have and the more money we make, the greater is the pressure to keep up with that level of success. Based on the rewards of our previous accomplishments, the threshold keeps moving up all the time. We simply refuse to accept any standard less than perfect.
Getting out the perfect report you’re writing. Working on creating the perfect product you’re building. Devising the perfect strategy for your business. Does any of this ring a bell for you? In doing so we often get branded as ‘difficult to work for,’ and end up taking on too much work ourselves. Invariably, we subscribe ourselves to flawlessness and setting excessively high standards, accompanied by overly critical self-evaluations and judgments. In our quest for success and a strong motivation to achieve, we see anything other than succeeding, even a temporary setback, as a failure and weakness.
Being a designer at heart, I find myself striving for pixel-perfection in everything I do. This leads to one of the two outcomes — people find me difficult, often holding to unimaginable standards, and I find myself procrastinating way more often.
The hard fact is that, for high achievers, the fear of being criticized is greater than the pleasure of completing the work. We feel that if we are not in the top spot people will stop liking us. We dread failure. We see failure as the end of the road for us.
The way around this is to realize that we are a work in progress. We can be imperfect high achievers and that’s okay. Effort and difficulty are how we learn and grow.
The root cause of seeking perfectionism often nests in our belief system. Ask yourself, “What beliefs do I have that prod me to seek perfectionism?” “What experiences in my life taught me not a take a risk?” “Are these experiences and beliefs now empowering me in my journey?”
My coach and mentor, Dr. Rangana Rupavi Choudhuri, said, “The antidote to perfectionism is accepting what is whole-heartedly.” Michael J Fox, the actor, said “I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can reach for; perfection is God’s business.”
Strive for authenticity. Strive for excellence. Strive for greatness. Strive for growth. Strive for accepting yourself whole-heartedly. Shun the requirement to chase perfectionism.
Challenge #2: End up with Competing Commitments
I will do this… I can take this up too! I can do that for you… That’s an easy task for me… Let me do this for you… Yes! Yes!! Yes!!! Does any of this ring a bell for you? A lot of high achievers wake up each morning and convince themselves, “This is fine. I can handle everything myself.”
As high achievers, we often feel our obligation towards duties, schedules, and commitments. By saying yes to pretty much everything is the only way to stay visible. The hard fact is that our ego loves busy work. I think it’s in our DNA to confuse effective work with busy work, topped with never enough time to accomplish it all. As a result, we end up living in an over-amplified and excessively complicated world with commitments that keep competing for our focus, energy, intellect, emotions, and body. Success equates to busyness and hard work. As high achievers, we do live in a world where we are pulled in so many different directions. Rich Litvin, the author of The Prosperous Coach, says, “When you are not making happen what you claim to be committed to, it is a clue that there is a stronger, competing commitment to which you are unknowingly committed.”
According to Sara Oblak Speicher, former award-winning international athlete turned coach and now a consultant to successful leaders, these commitments are often linked to someone else’s ‘should.’ One of the hardest things for high-achievers is to slow down and create the much-needed space to re-evaluate their priorities and commitments. One of my coaching clients nailed it when he had an insight that as a high achiever he was always focused on tactical things. He realized that he needed to slow down and allow creativity and imagination to flow to help create a bigger vision for himself.
American executive leadership coach Marshall Goldsmith says, “What’s got you here isn’t going to take you there.” If you keep on doing what you have always done, you will keep getting what you’ve always gotten. What that means in our context is that to move to the next level of success and growth, you will need to create a deeper and stronger commitment to yourself to end all your competing commitments and simplify your life. Speicher says “Quantum leaps, exponential growth, sustainable results, and multidimensional success are not about perfection, but simplicity.”
Simplify your outlook and approach to life. Simplify your thoughts and strategies. Simplify your actions. Simplify your commitments. Screenwriter Steven Pressfield once told his scriptwriting students some simple advice for writing a story — Cut everything that is not on-theme!
Leonardo da Vinci once said, “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” Your new mantra is to really slow down! If it’s not a ‘Hell yeah!’ it’s a No!
Challenge #1: I Don’t Need Help
“I don’t need any help!” “I can do it on my own…” a radio station that often runs in a high achiever’s mind. As high achievers, you are pretty independent and don’t need support. People are amazed by what you create. You are seriously damn good! You have all your accomplishments and successes under your belt. You play at a level at which most other people cannot even imagine or see.
Isn’t that true? You always find yourself lobbying to absorb yet another project into your ever-growing container of projects and activities. As high achievers, we are often achievement-oriented. When I started my career as a software developer, I would almost always end up crossing my boundaries of work activities. If there was a UI-design or a business-related task that was holding up my work, I would just end up researching and doing it myself. And I would feel proud about myself along the way — “I didn’t need any help on that… I’ve got this on my own…” Being the perfectionist that I am, when I began to manage a team, I would often end up redoing my team’s pieces of work. When I went back to grad school to get my MBA degree, I traveled around as an ambassador for the program, I became a dad, and I topped my class — all in the same year. I would never consult or seek mentors to get help or gain their perspective and advice on my journey. Everything that I touched would turn gold, so why the heck should I even bother with all this.
There’s a time very early on when you can go it alone, but over time we all need help! Somewhere along the road I missed building my personal support team. I only realized this when I quit my high-flying corporate job to pursue coaching as a profession. The most successful leaders today are those who have been able to surround themselves with people that they can reach out to and ask for help in areas outside of their own expertise. And I so began seeking help and building connections that could help me achieve what I wanted even faster. I invested in fostering great relationships and was willing to ask for help.
All you need is just one, two, or three trusted individuals who share your vision and have your back when things get hard. You need people on the outside and you need people on the inside. All these people are aligned with your mighty vision and can constantly add their attitudes, ideas, values, perspectives, and skills in helping you move ahead. On the outside, I hired coaches who could help me address the multitude of challenges that cropped up from time to time and the fixed mindsets that are holding me back. On the inside, my wife and my daughter have been the biggest and strongest support systems in my new journey. It’s with them that I can really get very vulnerable and reveal not just my deepest wants but also my innermost resistances and fears.
Take an account of your journey this far. Celebrate your accomplishments and success. Even when you are wildly successful ask yourself, “Do I need help in any area of my life?” Then step up and ask for that help. Reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness or been seen as too needy. On the contrary, asking for help is a sign of deep commitment to your goals and dreams, and your community becomes the holder of your dreams. When it’s a TEAM, Together Everyone Achieves More!
